Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Comparison

Shall I compare her to winter in Alaska?
What could be more an idyll? Now I ask ya!
She's bracing, like that truck stop in Wasilla
That has such great hot coffee! Killer!
At that depot, along the commercial strip,
Everything tells you, Wasilla's worth the trip.
Come by dogsled, snowmobile, or Piper Cub,
By semi, tractor, or by Russian sub,
And see Wasilla is like her beauty!
We come to praise her, as is our duty.

She is like unto a sunlit glare on icy highway,
Brilliantly impactful, and not in a shy way.
She stimulates, ah, like the smell of diesels,
Perfume to Northern painters at their easels.
Her smile is very like that billboard!
Oversized enough to drive you off the road.
So spellbinding are her powers of speech,
Hairs do stand, as at a truck's hydraulic screech.
And she is, as yon pipeline, conduit of crude,
A link, a rusted one, to all our gross ineptitude.

Recently, former Governor of Alaska and former Mayor of Wasilla, Sarah Palin, compared herself to Shakespeare. Yup! This came up when reporters criticized her for using the non-word, "refudiate." (AP's "word of the year for 2010," it has sparked the most googling.) Quote: "English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words, too." Okay, Gov, we misunderestimated your linguisticacious-type persipacuity.

This verse appeared as a comment in the NYTIMES.COM weblog, The Caucus, for its post of July 18, 2010, "Palin, Shakespeare, And The Ground Zero Mosque."

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Off-Shore Drilling

We should drill giant holes in the earth
for burying our carbon waste

We should cap the holes
with tree plantings

We should live near work
and walk to work
thru a nabe we've made liveable

We should commute by bicycle
or by way of good boots
like Whitman strolling into town
across the bridge from Brooklyn

We should journey by kayak
like the Inuit

We should forget
about drilling

A version of this piece was printed in the NYTIMES.COM opinion
section as a comment on the editorial, "A New, And Necessary, Moratorium"
(about stopping deep sea drilling in the Gulf of Mexico) on July 14, 2010.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Socrates In A Hammock

for Simon Critchley

When Socrates did kick the bucket
He kicked it quite on purpose
He cashed his chips, said fuck it
Drained the prescribed hemlock
Laid down in the golden hammock
Of a philosophic death
As if on vacay in Nantucket

La Vespasienne

A vespasienne is a public pissoir in France, named for the Roman
emperor who first taxed lavatories (A.D. 69-79) Vespasianus.

He was such an anus!
He made lavatoriums
pay-toilet emporiums.

Since a child
they'd called him sphincter;
Ole 'Spasianus
was such a stinker.

he'd be an asshole;
He believed in
giving us a hassle.


Tween dinner and lunch
We have linner -- or dunch! --
From three to five
We munch and munch

Now with lots of wine
We have lots of leverage
For a very light dunch
(If a robust repast)

And with candle light
To enhance our beverage
We have incredible lightness
-- Tho a radder dim linner

Twixt Spring & Summer, Sprummer

Sprummer, Sprinter
Sprall and Spring
Now we have names
For everything

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